There have been times in my life I’ve been called pessimistic, cynical, and have been compared to a grumpy old man.
And though some of those times I deserved some of those names, I don’t care what anyone thinks when I say that the NHL all star game reached whole new levels of ridiculous this past weekend in Carolina.
Now, the All Star captains picking their own teams was actually a somewhat interesting idea, kind of like a good song that you hear on the radio for the first time. But just like the radio that overplays the crap out of that song you used to like, hockey analysts took this to a whole new level. Up until last weekend, I thought that the six-hour Superbowl pre-game show was the biggest overkill in pro sports coverage. But after all the mock drafts, player analysis, and unreal scrutiny, I almost began to reconsider.
When it comes to sports journalists and their love of mock drafts and fantasy leagues, it’s a love I understand, and actively participate in. But as much as I considered perhaps doing a mock draft of my own, I realized why this one just stunk.
I’m not sure how any of those two team captains could possibly have screwed that up. In a game that lacks about 60% of the speed and 90% of the intensity of any other game, the end result of the game would be pretty similar no matter how the other top 40 players were split up.
But the game of hockey isn’t made for a super intense, highly competitive all-star game. It’s badass – a game that is thrilling partly because of the potential danger factor. So when you gather a tight knit group of superstars right about to gear up for the playoff push, no one is playing too hard, or to outwork their opponents, especially when there’s nothing on the line. Without any of that, it makes for a dull game, and a fairly boring draft, especially when there are post-pick interviews after almost every selection.
So, because it wouldn’t be right to rip on the process without offering a solution, here goes. Keep the draft, and the captains, but change up the style of picking. Once each captain makes the first selection, the player that they picked will make the next pick for that team, and so on and so forth, until everyone is picked (yes, there will be a last player picked, and no, they shouldn’t win a car for being partially embarrassed for two minutes while they think about how much money they make, and how they’re still one of the top 50 hockey players in the WORLD, but I’m getting off topic). That way, the picks are even more random than they are now, and there won’t be any crazy picking trends to overanalyze each captain with.
Because I don’t want to beat a dead horse, I’ll limit my skills competition analysis to my three least favourite things.
1. The breakaway challenge. The shootout at the end was pretty fun, what with players actually trying to score and goalies actually trying to save it. That Alex Ovechkin goal was almost pretty cool, until you realized that Marc-Andre Fleury had just laid out in a sprawl in the crease. This challenge was so bad that if the MLB announced players would run the bases while balancing a ball on a bat during the home run derby, they would be equally pointless.
2. That relay challenge. It was kind of like watching a band that’s really bad live. It seemed exciting on paper, but it ended up being pretty gimmicky, and lacked any real entertainment.
3. Almost every camera angle. I love CBC, and their near-flawless hockey coverage, but every on ice camera seemed to cut off something from view. However, this also helped me realize that not being able to see it was a lot worse than actually watching it. How’s that for some positive perspective!
And the game itself? It was exactly as I expected it. A great experience for the fans, a laid-back kind of fun for the players, and for hardcore hockey fans, a pretty boring game meant to be taken with a grain of salt. As I said, hockey isn’t a game that meshes well with the idea of an all star game that actually means something. And may the NHL continue to try different and equally crazy gimmicks for years to come. When and if they find something that works, I’ll be the first one to admit it.
